Investments

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

A couple of months ago, someone's facebook status read, "If you want to see me or my family, stop by anytime. If you want to see me and my clean house, please call ahead and make an appointment!" At first I laughed, but then I realized how true that was for me. I have often not invited someone over because of the state of my house. When he had our house on the market this summer, I had to keep it spotless all the time. I was constantly cleaning, picking up toys, and vacuuming every piece of dirt that made it in the door. I enjoyed having a spotless house and was very proud when people came over, but I was exhausted all the time. I was investing a lot of time and energy into this house. However, I still didn't invite people over often because now I wanted to keep it clean!

Earlier this summer, we had a new Korean family move in next door to us. We introduced ourselves quickly one day, but never seemed to find the time to really get to know them. A couple of months later, we ran into them at Target and stopped to talk to them. During the conversation, I invited the wife to stop by anytime and I'd be happy to help her practice her English. Of course, you know how invitations like that go; we make them all the time. "Please, stop by anytime....call me if you need anything...we'll have to get together sometime." Deep down, the offers are genuine, but we seldom expect people to follow up on them. The very next day, however, my doorbell rang and there was my neighbor holding 2 bags with the biggest honeydew melons I've ever seen.

My first reaction was surprise. My second reaction was, oh no, my house is a mess. That morning, my kids and I had made blueberry pancakes and the evidence of that was still all over the kitchen! Nonetheless, I invited her in and we had a great visit. During the visit, she asked for some water (okay, so I'm not the best hostess) and then followed me to the kitchen. When we walked in, I immediately apologized for the mess. My neighbor looked at me and said that she was happy to see my messy kitchen. She said that in Korea people are not as concerned about house appearances as we are here. She said that she and her husband noticed that soon after they arrived. Now, she doesn't like having people over to her house because she is embarrassed about how it looks. Wow!

Since that nice visit, we've had our neighbors over for dinner and we've been to their house. Our kids go back and forth and play together. Sometimes our houses are clean; sometimes they aren't! Through this experience, I've decided to take a hard look at what I invest my time in. I still spend a lot of time cleaning the house, doing laundry, and making sure my family doesn't live in filth (ha ha). However, I now have a better understanding of how important it is to invest in our relationships.

I'm reading a book by Max Lucado called, Outlive Your Life. I found this quote that really made me stop and think:

If we wait until everything is perfect, we'll never issue an invitation. Remember this: what is common to you is a banquet to someone else. You think your house is small, but to the lonely heart, it is a castle. You think the living room is a mess, but to the person whose life is a mess, your house is a sanctuary. You think the meal is simple, but to those who eat alone every night, pork and beans on paper plates tastes like filet mignon. What is small to you is huge to them. Open your table. (58)

Our Big 5 Year Old!

We were so busy having a fun and exciting birthday celebration day with Kieran, I didn't have a chance to sit down and write this birthday blog in honor of our first born!

Our lives changed so amazingly 5 years ago! Kieran, you have made your mommy and daddy so proud! You have grown into such a handsome boy this past year. I don't even know if I can summarize all the ways you have changed!

Last year after your fishing birthday party, you decided you wanted to have a Scooby-Doo party and you never changed your mind! You can be very indecisive when you are choosing which toy to pick at the Dollar Tree, but when it comes to birthday parties, you make your choice and stick with it!

You are so full of life! You love to show us how fast you can run (from the back door all the way to the couch). This past year, you have slowly started to grow out of some of your "childhood" favorites such as Thomas the Train and Bob the Builder. Those preschool favorites have turned into a passion for superheros, Transformers and, of course, Scooby-Doo. Last year for Halloween, you were a sweet, soft, fluffy panda bear. This year you are planning to be Spiderman! Right now, you are waiting for "your muscles to come in" so that you can become a superhero.

At the beginning of the year, you were a little anxious about growing up, but now you are very excited about being 5. You told me that you were going to start kindergarten the day after your birthday. You may be a little disappointed when you wake up tomorrow morning! One of the things I love about this age is that even though you are excited about being a year older, you are still mommy's little boy. Tonight, you wanted to take a shower (instead of a bath) because that is what 5 year olds do, but then you wanted me to "carry you like a baby" to bed.

Bedtime has become one of my favorite parts of the day with you! We have created a very special ritual. We tell our Scooby-Doo story (yes, a different one every night), say our prayers, sing three songs ("Go to Sleep", "Rock-a-bye-Baby", and "Twinkle, Twinkle"), and then I sleep with you for 5 minutes. If you don't fall asleep during one of those steps, you usually ask me some deep question as I'm walking out the door (Why do people breathe? Why do we need to sleep?). You are a very smart boy!

Speaking of smart, you reached a very exciting milestone this year. You read your first book! I almost cried when you sounded out your first sentence. You really love learning. This year, you decided you wanted to go to "mommy school" and you have held me to it! You love writing your letters and numbers. You are not a big fan of coloring, but you really like puzzles and word games. I pray you always keep this passion for learning new things!

Last, but not least, you are an amazing big brother. Elyse looks up to you so much. She even says she's 5 just like you. You are very protective of her even if you are a little rough sometimes! I love watching the two of you play together or snuggle on the couch watching a movie together.

Yesterday, we were looking at your baby pictures and you asked me why I picked you. Even if I had had the choice, I wouldn't have picked anyone else! You are my sweet baby boy, and I am so thankful that God picked you to be in our family! Happy 5th Bithday, Buddy! We love you!

Our Little Star!

I finally got a video of Elyse singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"! Her ma-ma has a video of them singing it together, but I couldn't resist getting a video in her fairy wings. Everyday her words get a little clearer. I wanted to catch it while it was still "baby" cute :) Enjoy.

Happy Birthday, Elyse!!

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Happy Birthday to our sweet, baby girl Elyse! You have grown so much this year! When I look back at the pictures from your first birthday, I can hardly remember that baby girl. You have changed so much this year and have grown in many ways.

You've learned to walk.

You have a mouth full of teeth (finally).

You talk to us in full sentences (and we understand most of them).

You love to aggravate your brother.

You love to snuggle with your brother.

You think you are as old as your brother!

You've come through two surgeries with flying colors.

You give the sweetest kisses.

Your favorite songs to sing are "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and "ABC"

Your favorite food is "ice" aka ice cream.

You're potty trained!!

You are very compassionate.

You take good care of all your "babies".

You never leave home without your hair bow!

You're daddy's girl.

You're mommy's little helper.

You're fearless (which has produced 2 trips to urgent car).

Your best friends are "Zo-Zo" and "Sissy" (Zoe and Lizzy)...and your thumb!

You are a gift from God!

We can't wait to see all the new things you are going to learn this year! We love you, Elyse!

Psalm 139:13-14

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

A Day in the Life of a Potty Trainer

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Okay, so I know that this Bible verse does not refer specifically to potty training, but it was the best I could do! Two and a half years ago we started our first adventure into potty training. I was pregnant and determined not to have two kids in diapers! However, this was my first child, and I really had no idea what I was doing. I received a lot of advice from many well meaning moms and read several books and articles on this childhood milestone. We tried everything- reward stickers, Skittles, guilt, punishment, praise – you name it! With an air of defeat, I sent my almost 3 year old to his first day of preschool in Pull-Ups. His teachers assured me that they would encourage him and the other “diaper kids” to use the potty (I took some comfort in the fact that he wasn’t the only one in his class). August 26 arrived and so did baby sister Elyse; so much for having only one child in diapers. October 2nd came and my oldest child was now 3 years old (and still in diapers). I had switched back to diapers since Pull-Ups were so much more expensive, and he was using them just the same as diapers.

Then one day, I think my oldest must have been visited by an angel. That is the only way I can explain his sudden change of heart. In mid-November, I drove to Florida with the kids to visit my grandmother who was very sick. On the way down, we stopped at a truck stop to take a bathroom break. They had a family restroom with a kid-size toilet. Kieran (with a dry Pull-Up) decided that was really cool and used the potty. When we reached my parents’ house 3 hours later, he was still dry! And that was the end of potty training. He never looked back!

I’ve had many new moms ask me about potty training, and I tell them that I didn’t not potty train my son and thus cannot give them any sage advice!

From my previous experience, you can understand why I was shocked when my 20 month old baby girl pointed to the toilet and said, “Potty!” I think she wanted to be like her brother and started sitting on the potty making sound effects (pshhhhh) months before Kieran even acknowledged that the bathroom existed! Despite the promise Kris and I made about not even trying to train the 2nd child, today, I started “Potty Boot Camp” with my 23 month old. Of course, five minutes after I gave her the “potty speech” and put on her new big girl underwear, she wet right through them! Oh, this is going to be a long day, I thought! I stuck with the plan, made her clean up the mess and did the “potty drills”. That was the first and last accident of the day, thankfully.

While Kieran could have cared less about rewards, Elyse was ALL about the “pizes”. Her mantra all day was, “Pee Pee Pize…Pee Pee Pize” or “I wanna supize”. I even gave her strawberry ice cream for lunch after she woke up dry from her 2.5 hour nap! I’m afraid she is going to be seriously disappointed when we back off the reward system. The only major mishap was when I walked into the living room to find Elyse standing in her potty (which was NOT empty)!

We ended the day with a successful evening out to dinner with the whole family (no diapers were involved)! I may have been a little overconfident, but Elyse was a champ. Of course, she did moon the table next to us when I asked her if she needed to go potty. I guess you can “train up a child” but you just can’t take her out!

http://www.thepottybootcamp.com/

Perfect Imperfections

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

I am always amazed at how God can speak to us through the smallest things. Today, we went outside to play before it got too hot (which doesn’t take long here in South Carolina). The kids and I were in our PJ’s since we weren’t planning to leave the house! As soon as we reached the back door, Elyse took off her shoes and headed for the small inflatable pool. She stuck one foot in before I said, “No, Elyse, we’re not getting in the pool.” After telling her three times, I thought, well, I guess it doesn’t really matter if we get a little wet. She jumped in and within minutes Kieran had gone back into the house and returned with his swim trunks (PJ’s would not work for him)!

Next, Kieran found the water balloons and asked if we could play with them. I filled up a few, he threw them, and they exploded! We were having a great time. I started filling up a yellow balloon when I noticed a small hole in the bottom, so I put that one to the side and picked up another one. It also had a small hole at the bottom. I said to Kieran, “Sorry, Buddy, these all have holes in them.” He looked at the small stream of water coming out the bottom and said, “That’s great! Let me have that one!” I finished filling it with water and tied the top. For the next 10 minutes or so Kieran ran around the yard squirting things with the small stream of water flowing out of that little balloon. He loved it! While the other water balloons were fun, they only lasted a few seconds. This “broken” balloon lasted much longer and gave Kieran the opportunity to get us all quite wet.

Suddenly, I thought, “What a perfect imperfection!”

The thing that I thought made the balloon useless actually gave it a new, more entertaining purpose! Wow! Isn’t that just how God designed us in many ways? We all have things that to us seem like imperfections, mistakes maybe. God, however, doesn’t make mistakes. It is possible that we just haven’t figured out the real, more “entertaining” purpose of that imperfection. The balloon situation reminded me of a blog that I read last night. This blog is written by a sweet lady who I met at Bible study recently. She has a precious 1-year-old son named Derrick who was born with several heart defects. I spent a good part of last night reading through a detailed description of his heart, but there was one part of this description that stood out to me. This sweet baby boy was born without a left ventricle and he has a hole in between the right and left atria. According to his mom, normally this hole would be a bad thing, but because Derrick doesn’t have a left ventricle, this hole is necessary to allow blood to flow from one part of the heart to the other.

Again, I thought, “Wow, what a perfect imperfection!”

I was amazed to see the drawings of this heart and to see how different it was from a “normal” heart, yet with the help of an amazing God and a team of great doctors this little boy is walking (even running now) with this “perfectly imperfect” heart. Sure, God could have given him a heart like most people without problems, but, for some reason, in God’s perfect plan, He decided to give him a heart that would amaze doctors, require miracles, and build faith.

This story, of course, made me reflect on Kris’ heart issues. He, too, was born with CHD (congenital heart disease). We joke now that he is so loving because he has an extra big heart. He does have a big heart, bigger than most because his heart had to work so hard for the first five years of his life before his open heart surgery. A couple of years ago, Kris had to go through a series of heart test and during one test we found out that a blood vessel on the left side of his body which carries blood to the brain was much smaller than normal. However, the corresponding vein on the other side of his body was much larger than normal. The vein on his right side compensated for the one on the left side. This allows his brain to get the perfect amount of blood flow. Here is yet another example of a perfect imperfection.

For most of us, our “imperfections” are not life threatening or even life changing (i.e. birthmarks, bad hair, stretch marks). I look at our precious Elyse and can’t help but see the two scars on her neck. I could look at them as imperfections, but when I look at them I am reminded of how blessed we are that those lymph nodes were not cancerous. I am reminded of the amazing strength of a 1-year-old, the generosity of friends, and the comfort that only God can give us. Most of us have scars of one kind or another (physically, emotionally, or spiritually). Without God, these imperfections are imperfect and can control our lives. However, if we allow Him, He can make them “perfect imperfections”. While we often pray for Him to take away these imperfections, God may have bigger, better, and more “entertaining” purposes for them. Paul reflects on this in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10:

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

You can read more about Derrick and his miracle heart by visiting his
blog http://carolinacarters.blogspot.com/!

Bedtime Conversations

Tonight, Kieran and I had a precious conversation that I wanted to write down. As he was getting into bed he asked me, "Mommy, what were you before I was born?" I said, "Well, buddy, I was just Susan." He looked at me for a little while and said, "You weren't anybody's mommy? And daddy wasn't a daddy?"

"No, Kieran, we were just Susan and Kris, sitting around this house, without much to do."

"Then what happened?" Kieran said. "Did you decided you wanted to be a mommy and daddy?"

"Yes, then we decided that we wanted a baby. So, we prayed to God and He helped us have a baby. He helped Mommy and Daddy put you in my tummy so that you could grow."

Kieran said, "I remember when I was in your tummy. There was a sign telling me where I was. First I saw the sign that went to your nose, so I went there. Then I followed the sign to your toe. Then I saw the sign that went to someplace that looked like a big long slide and so I slide down the slide to your tummy. Then I saw a train and I rode the train. Then I rode a boat around in your blood" (**Now I understand why there seemed to be so much movement in my tummy when I was pregnant with Kieran!!! Also, note that is very similar to an episode of Danger Mouse that he enjoys watching!)

I said, "Wow, you remember all that?"

"Yes, then what? Did you want a boy and a girl and God gave you me and Elyse?"

"Well, we didn't know what we were having, but God gave us you and Elyse. When you were in my tummy, we went to the hospital and the doctor took you out. She held you up and Daddy said, 'It's a boy!!' We were very excited?"

"And then what did you name me?"

"We named you Kieran Kristofer Toler."

"I knew that! I knew that when I was in your tummy. I knew that my name should be Kieran Kristofer Toler. I should be Kieran, K-I-E-R-A-N."

"Kieran, did you know that mommy and daddy talked to you when you were in my tummy?"

"You did? I knew when I came out I would have a mommy and a daddy. And I knew that I would love them very much."

THE END :)